Communicate to resolve conflicts

   Ego is something that all of us have and want to maintain, but it is the same ego that is actually preventing us from doing what we should do - so what do I mean by that? Sometimes in life, you certainly are going to end up having conflicts with others around you, including those that you are very close with. However, there have been so many times when instead of trying to communicate in order to resolve the conflict, you end up not doing it, because your ego is feeding you the idea that you are the right one, and that unless the other person is reaching out and apologize, you are never going to take the first step. Unfortunately, if everyone has the same mindset, then who is going to apologize, who is going to be proactive in this conflict? No one, of course! Because of this, you will need to know how to communicate with the other person, so that no one is going to hold any grudge towards anyone else.

   My teacher used to tell our class about a story that he had with a colleague of his. Essentially, he and that person were having sort of a conflict via email and they are really clashing with one another through emailing each other while they are in the same building. But in the end, after a long time of arguing through email, my teacher decided to talk directly to the person he was having a conflict with, so that they could confront one another and really reveal their feelings about what was going on and how that person made him feel, and vice versa. In the end, after just a 20-minute argument and conversation, they were able to come to a resolution about how they could move on from this and what solutions they could take; they have apologized each other and they have no issues anymore. So you can see, if they continue on just emailing one another and never letting the other person have a voice then no one is going to benefit from this - no one is going to accept the fact that they are partly wrong and that they need to apologize. The idea from this story is that if you want an argument to come to an end, you have to really confront that person and confront the truth, not finding ways to hide away or run away from it. For example, if you think that emailing each other is a good idea, in the end it is actually not, because when you are emailing, you're not talking directly to the other person. As a result, you may not understand what they are feeling; therefore, this ego is going to continue feeding into you and it's not going to let you accept that you are wrong.

   So what can you do in order to better resolve the many conflicts that you are certainly going to face in your life? First of all, you must have a willingness to communicate, because if you're not able to even do this first step, then you are not going to be able to achieve anything. Remember, communication is the key - only through communication are we able to understand what the other feels, and what the other needs; therefore, don't hide away from the problem, accept that it exists, and accept that you are partly wrong in this problem. The next step that I want to tell you is the idea of active listening and respect. When hearing the other person talking, you shouldn't be rude, you shouldn't immediately argue against them, and you shouldn't just tell them that they are wrong, because that will only make matters worse. Try to better understand their perspective through some questions and clarifications to better understand what is going on in their mind, so that you are able to understand more about the other’s perspective. Many of the times, these conflicts come from miscommunication or misunderstanding, so through listening and understanding what the other person feels, you may be able to understand that perhaps this problem shouldn't exist in the first place if it was not for some sort of misunderstanding or something like that. Next, you should also talk about your perspective of why you think that you are right, but don't be rude to the other person, and try to speak calmly because only when speaking calmly are you going to be able to control your feelings and your words. When the other person is asking you questions, don't hesitate to answer them, because through that they will be able to understand you more, so that through this mutual understanding you perhaps will be able to come to a resolution.

   Finally, to apologize is a very important thing because it shows that you respect the other person and that you understand the problem. Through apologizing to the other person and vice versa, you are going to be able to build trust and love from the other person, and therefore it can prevent the two of you from having a conflict later on. With that I wish you good luck and have a good day!