Dealing with rejections in a relationship

   Oh … now this post is going to be pretty tough to write. So in life, you know, we all want things to go the way we want it to go, right? This can definitely be applied to high schoolers, where we are characterized by being impulsive, and that we want everything to be the way we want, especially when it comes to sensitive things like a relationship. However, in life, we can’t get everything we want, and there are certainly going to be things that you don’t want to happen, yet unfortunately it does. And looking at the title of this post, you know exactly what I’m talking about right? Well, today we are going to talk about rejections in a relationship, and how we can heal ourselves and make ourselves better when something we like doesn't feel the same way that we do to us.  

   Okay, so I know that I have mentioned this idea so many times before, but in response to being rejected in a relationship, the first thing that you should do is to validate your feelings and realize that it’s okay to feel this way. I know that this is going to be a tough time for you, especially if that “other person” is someone you are close with or someone who is, let’s say, in the same class with you, so now, the important thing is to take care of your feelings - allow yourself to feel horrible, allow yourself to be angry, and allow yourself to grieve. If you are forcing yourself to be fine then all you are doing is literally just bottling up your feelings - and as you know, that is just the worst thing you can do to yourself, when you are not even being true to yourself at that instant. Realize that it is completely fine for you to feel yourself that way, and honestly, do anything if that means that you can feel better. A very effective method that you can use is that you can journal - just through all your feelings down the page, and don’t be scared or anything because that is the thing that only you will have access to. Additionally, you can share what happens with someone that you know, like your best friend or your family members, because I do strongly believe that when you are spilling everything out, you are going to be much more relieved - but make sure that you trust the person you are sharing your “secret” too, because when you are sharing these things to them, you are revealing to them your vulnerable side, and if they are bad people they can easily use this vulnerable for your harm. 

   Of course, you can’t just grieve over someone’s rejection for too long, right? Allow yourself to make up your mind, but after the phase has been over, you have to ask yourself this question: what to you want to do with that person? There are a lot of approaches to this, actually, but you have to careful with what you do, since if you are not balancing your heart and your brain, then all you are doing is just hurting yourself and making yourself fall over and over again. Usually, the other side won’t have bad intentions about this (only just that feelings are not reciprocated), therefore if your feelings allow you to do so, be friends with them again (don’t make both you and that person uncomfortable). On the other hand, if your feelings don’t allow yourself to do so, you can distance yourself from that person if that means that you can allow yourself to heal (I know that this can be extremely hurtful, especially a rejection from someone who you really cherish). Something very important that I also want to note is that grudge isn’t the solution - realize that there are other stakeholders in the problem also and not just you. By learning to empathize with the other side - that they don’t want to hurt you but that they don’t have the same feelings back - you can finally relieve yourself and make yourself away from this problem. 

   The last thing that I want to talk today is something that I think you definitely need to know and realize, although it may not be that positive: it’s not healthy for you to cling into that relationship if you have been certain that there is no reciprocation in it - you can’t force anything and anyone in the world to follow what you want, right? I know that the truth can be sad and disappointing, but please, teach yourself to let go. Sometimes it’s not always about the heart, but rather about your brain: realize that you need to love yourself more, and by that, I mean letting go and focusing more on other things. It’s certainly not going to be an easy process (there are people that still grieve over a rejection years later), but by caring about yourself as well as seeking help from others, I hope that you will not have to get through this traumatizing time alone. Additionally, you can email me if you feel comfortable sharing yourself - I will always be there for you guys!